If you’re struggling to find new topics, it’s understandable and we have the perfect list of deep questions to ask in a long distance relationship.
Never underestimate the power of spicing up your typical conversations by asking a few interesting questions. While you can’t read someone’s body language or completely grab all of their facial expressions over the phone, you can still talk to your long-distance partner.
You two can connect by learning new things about each other and practice open communication by asking some challenging and silly questions. This list of 35 questions to ask your long-distance partner will make sure you never run out of topics to talk about with them.
This post is all about questions to ask in a long distance relationship.
1. What’s one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self?
It’s important to reflect on our past while remembering that it’s because of our past experiences that we are who we are now. This is one of the thought-provoking questions that gets at that idea. While we can’t go back and keep our younger selves from making mistakes, we can let ourselves in on some tips we’ve learned along the way.
2. What’s your favorite flower?
While this doesn’t seem like it can help get your conversation started on a deeper level, there’s something so innocent and beautiful about flowers. Everyone has a type of flower they like and most men have never been asked because flowers are traditionally feminine. So, ask your partner about their favorite flower to show you take an interest in them.
3. How important is physical intimacy to you?
This might be the last question you want to ask your long-distance partner, but it’s important to get on the same page about physical intimacy. They might depend on physical touch to feel loved, which means you have to get creative in giving that to them from afar. Dig into this question to deepen your relationship.
4. What’s the dumbest way you’ve ever been caught doing something you shouldn’t have been doing in the first place?
Fun questions are just as important as deep questions. This allows your partner to share aspects of their personal life from before you were even in their life and that makes your partner feel valued and appreciated. Plus, you will love hearing about who your partner was before you and the person they can tap into when they’re around different people.
5. What’s your most recent favorite memory?
The longer your long-distance partner has to think about this, the more they’re answering wrong. The goal is to think of a positive memory that just happened, something that’s fresh for them. Make sure you get them to answer quickly, so they don’t have time to second-guess it because it’s not a “good enough” memory to share.
6. What’s on your bucket list?
Ask them to tell you three things they want to do before they die. While it’s normal to get nostalgic when you think about the stuff you want to accomplish, you also have to remember that this is a hopeful, beautiful question. Get teary-eyed, but also get hopeful about what the two of you can accomplish before you die, and focus on the most important thing: how much you love each other and want to share experiences.
7. What do you think our current level of emotional intimacy is?
Emotional intimacy is a tough concept to understand. Not every family talks about emotional needs or even shows you how to express your emotions. So, this might be a difficult question to answer the first time. It will challenge both of you to think about how open you are with each other. Ask yourselves if you feel comfortable sharing your emotions, working through emotions, and communicating about places where you don’t feel good about the relationship.
8. What would you put into a time capsule?
Time capsules are kind of romantic when you think about it. Someone will open it in ten, twenty, fifty years from now and you get to decide how you represent this era and your life. This question will lead to some interesting conversations that will show you what each of you values.
9. What’s your ideal way to spend quality time with me?
Quality time means something different to everyone. So, ask them how they define it with this question. Be open to hearing different ways they enjoy spending time with you that may or may not be particularly meaningful for you. Find ways to bring together your two versions of quality time so that you both get your needs fulfilled.
10. What do your future plans look like for the next five years?
When you’re in a long distance relationship, plans are hard. Your goal is likely to eventually live in the same town, but that can be a long way off if one of you is in school or working in another country. That’s why, as scary as it is to ask someone this question, it’s a way to work on good communication.
11. What TV show would you recommend?
This is the typical icebreaker question, which might make you think that it’s a waste of time. This is anything but boring when you dive into why a show is their favorite. Plus, this gives you and your long distance boyfriend or girlfriend a great date idea: watch the show together online.
12. What’s your spirit animal?
Spirit animals are the creatures that guide on a spiritual journey, at least that’s the literal definition. In reality, you can define it however you want or however you and your partner most enjoy. Spirit animals can simply be the animal that you think embodies the type of energy you have or want to have, whether that’s playful, lackadaisical, or sleepy.
13. What are your top three favorite video games?
It’s hard to constantly come up with engaging and new dates for you and your partner when you’re limited by different places and different time zones. That’s part of what makes these types of fun questions all the better. Your partner is telling you what they enjoy, which makes them feel appreciated (as long as you actively listen!). Plus, they’re giving you date ideas that you can do remotely while having so much fun.
14. What are three recent current events that have interested you?
We’re constantly inundated with the latest events and some of the events are horrifying while others are downright hilarious (check out The Onion). So, it’s a good idea to talk about the stuff that affects your personal life and your entire relationship, depending on what kind of current event you’re bringing up. Think of this question as a way of making sure you two support each other when news stories are painful to hear and a way to laugh together when they’re hilarious.
15. Ask me three silly questions.
Get silly. Make time for joy, laughter, and silliness because it doesn’t happen naturally. It can be hard to make space for silliness when you’re in a regular relationship where you can laugh at a meme while sitting on the couch together. Instead, long-distance couples have to put work into letting silly things happen and three silly questions will get you there.
16. What do you do to get through hard times?
When you live in different places, you will inevitably handle personal struggles and challenges without your partner present. That doesn’t mean you don’t talk about it with your partner and work through some of your struggles with them on video chat. But, it’s just not feasible for you two to lean on each other as regularly as you would if you were together. So, asking this question will get that conversation started. Plus, you two may even establish some rules to go through those challenges together more often.
17. What are your three favorite colors?
Give your partner’s inner child some attention with this question that you never ask adults. It’s the small things like this that bring the most joy to a relationship and they make both of you feel so wholesome and seen. Not to mention there’s no better feeling than nourishing that friendship between you and your partner so they’re your best friend and your partner.
18. What are your top three favorite special occasions?
Birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Memorial Day, it all goes. When they tell you, be sure to ask them why because that’s where you get the best responses. Sometimes, they start reminiscing about when they were younger and spending time with their family. So, you get to learn about which holidays you two will spend together the longer you’re together and you get to hear about their happy childhood memories.
19. What is the one thing you’ve wanted to do your entire life?
Watch their eyes light up when they imagine all the stuff they could do with their life. This sounds like it’s the same thing as a bucket list, but there are a lot of activities that we’ve always wanted to do that we never actually make plans to do. Maybe we want to go skydiving, but we kind of never put that on our bucket list because we don’t let ourselves believe we’d ever actually do that. Let them know that you’re the person who wants them to do those things they want to do and you’re the person who will support them 100% of the way.
20. What’s most important to you when you’re building a strong connection with someone?
You and your partner probably already have a strong connection, but naming that makes it all the more meaningful. Listen to their answer and think back on your relationship to see if that happened between the two of you. Maybe they say that you two exchange text messages all the time or you spend time developing romantic feelings by going on dates or surprising the other person. Plus, you get to do it for them too. But, don’t worry if you two aren’t there yet. There’s still time.
21. What do you need to build an emotional connection with someone?
It’s hard to open up with someone. No matter how much you love them, it’s hard to share your emotions, especially if you never saw your parents or siblings do it. So, put energy into it because you need to feel comfortable sharing your emotions, struggles, and romantic feelings with your partner. It’s also okay to feel overwhelmed by this question and to have important conversations about emotional availability later on when you two have thought about it more.
22. Which social media app or website do you use most often?
We all use social media and most of us use it too much. So, let’s talk about it. This can lead to deep conversations about limiting social media use and how it may not be one of the best ways of using up available time or getting your mind off stressful stuff. But, for now, you can keep it light. Think about what you get from social media and which social media site you return to most frequently.
23. What are three of your personal goals?
Ask your partner questions like this to get their long term vision. Remember that you’re asking from the perspective of someone who wants to help them succeed, so be curious and supportive when you ask. This is a way to show them you are invested in the future they see for themselves and you’re interested in what kind of future you two have together.
24. Give me three date night ideas you’d enjoy doing right now.
Ask them for date ideas. This is a great way to figure out if they’ve been enjoying the dates you plan and if different kinds of dates are more for them. Remember that strong long distance couples not only have strong communication skills, but they’re open to honest communication. If they suggest a different way they’d prefer to spend time together, be grateful that they’re honest and try to avoid getting defensive or beating yourself up. You two are learning how to be in a long distance relationship for the long run every time you have a conversation. So, you two can keep growing and becoming partners for each other.
25. What do you say to people who ask how to make a long-distance relationship work?
Take notes so that you know what to say next time someone asks you (just kidding, sort of). Listen to what they say because it will say a lot about how much they value you. Anyone willing to be in a long distance relationship clearly cares about the other person so much that they are willing to do the most amount of work possible to stay in the relationship. So, you just listen and feel good about how much they love you.
26. Would you ever consider being in an open relationship?
Consider this question carefully before asking it. Ideally, you should be able to ask important questions even if they scare you and this is an important question. Regardless of how much you want to be in an open relationship, this question gives you space to talk about boundaries in your relationship. This question opens you two up to tons of crucial long-distance relationship conversation topics that will strengthen your relationship. By addressing these things out in the open, you can honestly consider an open relationship or just talk about what boundaries you’re comfortable with in your long-distance relationship.
27. How do you deal with the physical distance between us?
Ultimately, you both struggle with the distance and there’s no denying that it changes your relationship in certain ways. The last thing you want to do is avoid asking long-distance relationship questions like this because it leaves too much unsaid. Share in the pain and vulnerability of being honest. You can talk about how much the time difference sucks and still love each other so deeply that you’ll do it as long as you need to. Being honest about how much you’re struggling can only deepen your connection.
28. Do you think our communication styles are compatible?
This is another one of those thought-provoking questions that might even require the two of you to do some homework to figure out your communication styles. To be clear, there’s no pairing that will say “You two need to break up right now.” It’s all about negotiating boundaries and figuring out what defense mechanisms you two use during arguments, how you bring up issues in the relationship, and how you’re willing to change that for the other person to feel more comfortable.
29. What’s the one passion you want to pursue for the rest of your life?
Your passion does not have to be your job. Your passion probably isn’t your job unless you’re really lucky and feel completely fulfilled by what you do. So, think about what fulfills you. Ask your partner what fulfills them outside of work and what one passion they never want to let go of. No matter how busy the two of you get, you will both need to prioritize your passions. That way, you both can enter your relationship with each other and relationships with others as fulfilled individuals before you enter them as mother, father, sister, or partner.
30. What are your top three favorite online games?
Online games can be so unique, like Roblox, and they offer more options than video games do. You can play board games on your phone with another person or through the Internet. You can throw it back to Webkinz days. There are tons of awesome online games you can play with your long distance partner, so why not ask them what they like to play?
31. What do you do in your day-to-day life? What’s your routine?
You don’t get to see how they wake up or whether they drink coffee or tea in the morning. Maybe they put on one sock, one shoe, then one sock and one shoe. You don’t know until you ask LDR questions like this, and knowing these little things will make the two of you feel closer. Maybe they’ll even vlog it for you like a pretend influencer.
32. What’s your favorite book?
Take this anywhere you want, whether it’s your childhood favorite that you can never quite seem to shake or it’s your most recent read that’s got your mind spinning. Make sure that your partner explains why they love the book so much and what interesting things make it worth reading.
33. Share three childhood memories without thinking about it.
Positive or negative, ask your partner to share the first three memories that pop into their head. Pressure them to answer quickly so they don’t start second-guessing themselves. The seemingly random memories they share will have some reason for being the first ones they think of. They might have been talking to their sibling about it recently or maybe they will share some core memories with you. Either way, this is one of the best questions to ask your partner to learn a little about the way they think and what about their childhood had the biggest impact on them.
34. Out of the five love languages, which one resonates with you the most?
While there’s some debate about the science behind the five love languages, there’s no denying that they feel right. One or two of them will probably appeal to you and your partner, which will help you learn how they feel most loved. This will also help you realize why your partner may not have appreciated you hugging them instead of telling them you love them when you love to be hugged over being told you’re loved.
35. What’s your favorite thing about me?
Give your partner time to answer this question. This is one of the harder long distance relationship questions to answer because they probably have like five million things they love about you. They have to narrow it down to one and they want to make you feel good, so they need to choose the right one.
36. Do you prefer video calls or phone calls?
Between a video call and a phone call, you already have a preference and you probably think it’s obvious that your partner thinks the same way. You are probably right, but it’s a good idea to ask to ensure you two are on the same page. Plus, you get to ask them why and that’s when you hear cute stuff like “I like to hear your voice” or “I miss seeing your face” or “I like to talk to you all the time and my phone’s battery dies a lot.”
37. Which three different countries do you want to visit?
If you live in a different country than your partner, then skip the two countries you live in whether you end up visiting them in their home country or not. You could make an entire date out of planning what you’d do in these countries and what views you’d see. Bonus points if you make a vision board with a bunch of pictures that motivate you to visit that country.
38. Name one activity you’d do with me right now if we were together.
Get hopeful, imaginative, and honestly, just enjoy the idea of being in the same room with your partner. The best thing about LDR couples is knowing that you two love each other so much. A lot of people don’t have the same assurance that their partner loves them as much as yours loves you. So, use that to your advantage and ask them what they’d want to do if you were together.
39. What is the most meaningful thing someone has ever done for you?
Everyone defines meaningful actions differently because we all have different experiences that have made actions meaningful. In other words, your parents may not have said “I love you” very often, so it was incredibly meaningful when they did. Or maybe you were always scared of playing your guitar in front of a crowd, so someone giving you a heartfelt compliment on your talent is super meaningful. Ask them about the most meaningful thing someone has done and learn what’s meaningful for them.
40. Who inspired you the most when you were younger?
Family members are off-limits for this question because they’re an easy choice. Challenge your partner to choose someone who is a public figure or some type of celebrity they know of even if you don’t. It’s probably been a long time since they were a kid, so ask them to dig deep and spend a few minutes thinking about if they need to give you an authentic answer from their younger self.
41. Which three things are you bringing with you to a deserted island?
You’ve got to have three essentials that you would take just about anywhere with you to feel complete and, no, you can’t say you’d bring your partner. This is one of those fun questions that also can become one of the right questions to ask the moment it gets a little more serious. Maybe they’d bring a family heirloom because it reminds them of their loving parents. Or maybe they’d bring a water bottle to carry water around. Keep it silly if that’s the vibe, but don’t shy away from digging deeper.
42. What’s your favorite food?
The moment you eat your favorite food, you’re in heaven. You’re doing the happy food dance and you feel good even if your favorite food is a snack that won’t fill you up. Ask your partner about their favorite food and they’ll instantly be so excited. Plus, now that you have that information, the next step is to surprise them with their favorite food by ordering it to their house or asking someone to pick it up for you.
43. Have you done anything that has made you happy today?
When we get into a routine for work or school or work and school, we sometimes forget that we’re still living each day. That’s why it’s a nice reminder to ask your partner if they’ve done anything to make them happy today. Or even when the last time was that they did do something that made them happy. We spend so much time working to pay the bills or going to school to eventually pay the bills that we can get lost in the routine. It’s helpful for the people we love to shake that up for us.
44. How can I better support you as someone who loves you?
Asking questions as open-ended as “When do you feel supported?” and “How do you like to be supported?” gives your partner so much space to open up. They can share new things with you that they would never, otherwise, have thought you’d want to hear or that they’ve even thought of. You learn how you two think differently and what they need from someone different from what you need.
45. What is the first thing you’d buy if you won the lottery?
Money can’t buy you happiness, as the saying goes, but it definitely can buy you the type of safety and stability that gives you happiness. Lots of good things come from money. So, ask your partner what they’d buy if they won the lottery. Be specific and ask them about that very first purchase, and have fun with it.