No matter how long you’ve been married or dating your partner, it’s always important to cherish them. It can be confusing and uncomfortable to realize that you’ve forgotten how to cherish your spouse.
But, that’s okay. These 25 tools will give you actionable ways to cherish your spouse and remind them that you love them.
This post is all about how to cherish your spouse.
HOW TO CHERISH YOUR SPOUSE:
1. Acknowledge past hurts and forgive them
Relationships feel the best when both partners want the relationship to work and put effort into making it work. So, when it comes to cherishing your spouse, you can’t let the past mess up the present.
It’s important to work through pain from your past and feel your feelings in the moment. But, the best way to move forward in the best version of your relationship is to realize that your relationship is worth more than holding on to the pain your partner has caused you.
The moment they apologize and hold themselves accountable is the same moment you stop letting that pain control your relationship.
2. Surprise your partner by filling up their gas tank
When you think of the most effective way to show your spouse you love them, you can think of the small, simple things too. This means that as important as communication and trust are to a relationship, you can also cherish your partner through small acts.
Filling up their gas tank is one of them. It’s the worst feeling to wake up, run late for work, and remember you need to get gas. That’s why it can make your partner truly feel seen when you do something small and kind like surprising them with a full tank of gas.
3. Put effort into developing feelings of closeness
Closeness looks different for every relationship and every partner. So, communicate with your partner about what closeness looks like to them. Ask them what reminds them of your love and brings them comfort in your relationship on a regular basis and even on a difficult day.
Once you learn when your partner feels closest to you, put effort into making that happen. It doesn’t have to happen every day, but, the more often you do it, the more you can make it into a habit and make your partner feel close to you all the time.
4. Plan out a spa day for your partner
Whether you want to do it yourself or you’re going to sweep them off to a day spa, plan every detail yourself. You may miss a few details here and there, which is understandable.
Regardless, it’s important to show them that you want them to not only have a spa day but enjoy their spa day by taking care of their other responsibilities.
This might mean you clean while they’re at the spa, take care of the children, or do the laundry. Let your partner know that you value their self-care and see all of the efforts they put into the family and house by truly giving them a day off.
5. Meet with your partner for a check-in at the end of the year
Schedule a check-in with your partner. You two can discuss housework, emotional needs, physical needs, and anything else in your relationship. You can schedule check-ins throughout the year, too, to make sure you’re both fulfilling each other’s needs.
While this might seem silly or too business-like, it’s important to remember that your relationship is a lot like a business and you are the business owner just like your partner. It needs care, attention, and effort just like a job and it needs to be prioritized.
6. Remind yourself that you and your partner are on the same team
When you argue with your partner, it’s easy to think you need to win. You’re in defensive mode and you start to forget your actual goal or the original topic of the argument. You get so focused on arguing that you forget you and your partner are ultimately on the same team.
You’ve chosen each other as much on special occasions as you have during a difficult time. It’s okay to remind yourself of that when your body reverts to argument mode because centering yourself in the face of conflict is the most important thing to keep a relationship alive.
7. Take care of the kids for the day so your partner doesn’t need to
The simple truth of being a parent is that you rarely get time off. Someone almost always has to watch the kids, especially when they’re younger, and that’s draining. So, the act of taking care of the children for a day can have a big impact on your marriage.
That simple awareness and act of true love will make your partner feel seen and valued. This will be most meaningful if your partner can leave the house for the day to avoid getting roped into taking care of the kids.
8. Let your partner know you’re putting in a conscious effort
Actions will always be more convincing than words. But, you can still let your partner know what’s going on in your head. In this case, you can let them know you are putting the effort into making them feel valued and loved.
For them to trust you, you need to back up your words with actions that prove you mean what you say, especially if it’s the first time in a while that you’ve made this effort. Sometimes, it’s small things like communicating with your partner about your intentions and acting on those intentions can bring your partner so much joy and love.
9. Ask important questions and talk about hard topics
Talk about the stuff that scares you. In a lifelong love relationship, you need to have hard conversations. This keeps you two connected even during the spontaneous times of stress and anxiety that will inevitably happen.
You two shouldn’t always agree, but you can always be on the same page and be aware of how the other person thinks and feels. Make space for difficult conversations and remember that you’re doing this to maintain a healthy relationship.
10. Talk to your partner about meeting their emotional need
Talk to your partner about your relationship. Ask them scary questions like, “Are you happy?” or “What’s one thing I’ve done this week to make you feel loved?” These types of questions need to be asked to learn and improve.
They let your partner know that you care about your relationship and want to fulfill their needs. Your partner may not have the vocabulary to talk about their emotional needs, so you can start by reflecting on fights or areas of insecurity to see what comes up for the two of you.
11. Plan out a cute Valentine’s Day surprise
Take some time out of your day to plan an extra special Valentine’s Day. You could go with a dinner, movie, or mini trip.
Plan the kind of day you and your partner will love so that you can show them you care while also reconnecting with them. There’s always some inexplicable way that Valentine’s Day has the power to make couples feel especially loved and connected.
12. Take out your photo album and reminisce about your wedding day
Look through old pictures of yourselves. Talk about how you felt on your wedding day and what you remember.
You’ll find that the two you remember that day differently even though you both experienced the same events. You’ll end up feeling warm and fuzzy as you remember how excited you were to start your next adventure with the love of your life.
13. Be transparent about your bank accounts and financial values
Start a conversation about money. This conversation can address your values, goals, and boundaries around money. It may cover how much each of you makes, how you like to spend your money, the reasons you save your money, and where you see yourself in the future.
Every couple has a different approach to money, but, generally, couples that are transparent about money, even if they have separate bank accounts, will trust each other the most. Keep in mind that a lack of transparency about money is a top reason for divorce.
14. Choose an activity and time for a date night
Plan a date night. Identify an activity that will interest both you and your partner, make a reservation, double-check their availability, and arrange it.
This includes figuring out what you two will do for food and child or pet care if that applies. Date nights can be as simple or complex as you’d like. The only rule is that you get time alone, without interruption, until you’re ready for your special time together to be over for the day.
15. Bring your spouse a cup of coffee (or tea) in bed
Greet your partner with a warm beverage in the morning. It will show that you thought of them and make them feel loved first thing in the morning.
Not only will it start their day off right, but you’ll feel amazing afterward too. Just make sure to know what their preferred beverage is before you bring them something they won’t enjoy as a kind gesture.
16. Remind your partner how much you value them on a daily basis
You can never remind your partner how much you love them too often. Avoid letting them know as a way of manipulating them or doing it so often that it becomes a chore and words you don’t mean.
However, if you let them know whenever you feel it, that will come through even if it’s not at a consistent time every time.
17. Leave your partner a love note where they’d least expect it
Surprise your partner with a heartfelt love note. Ideally, you can leave it somewhere somewhat hidden and also relatively easy to find within the same day. If writing a love note terrifies you, that’s okay.
You can write something simple and sweet like “I love you, dear” and sign your name while still making a huge impact on your partner. Odds are they know you’re not a writer and feel intense gratitude for the effort you put in.
18. Make eye contact with them when they’re talking to you
Practice active listening skills when you’re having a conversation with your partner. Tools like facing them, putting your phone away, nodding, and maintaining eye contact will make them feel seen and heard.
Of course, these tools are best used when you’re listening because you care about making your partner feel seen and heard. Make sure that you’re listening to them or let them know if you’re distracted and apologize.
19. Remember how much the little things matter
With two full-time jobs in the home, kids, and social lives, it’s impossible to make big gestures of love to your partner all the time. You and your partner would burn out way too quickly if you thought like that.
That’s when little actions of love make the biggest impact. If you can’t remember the last time you did something small to show your partner you love them, now is the perfect time to start.
There are different ways to show your partner you’re thinking about them, so think of what would mean the most to them.
20. Remember the power of physical touch in a relationship
Physical affection is important in every relationship, whether that means kissing, hugging, cuddling, or sex. It’s important to understand your partner’s needs because physical touch without emotional connection might discourage them from kissing or hugging you back.
But, when you two are watching a movie or eating dinner, physical touch is a powerful way to reaffirm your bond as partners.
21. Learn about your partner’s love language
Love languages tell you how your partner likes to feel love from other people. The same applies to you, but your language is probably not the same as your partner’s.
This is especially important to remember when you’re trying to show your partner love and they reject it. As much as it hurts to get rejected when you show your partner love, consider that it might be because you showed them love in the most meaningful way to you and not them.
22. When in doubt, work on spending quality time together
Above all else, you and your partner need to spend quality time together. This can be small moments here and there where you stare into each other’s eyes for a few seconds or it could be when you two go on a date.
Regardless, the best way to make your partner feel valued is to show up for them and show them they deserve your time.
There’s nothing more meaningful than prioritizing your relationship with your partner. Quality time helps you two continue learning about each other, which can only benefit your relationship.
23. Send them a random text telling them you love them
Remind them you love them randomly throughout the day. Send them a simple text or a long drawn-out love note.
Either way, they’re sure to appreciate the love and the fact that you thought of them in the middle of your work day when you have a thousand other things on your mind.
24. Help your partner prioritize rest and self-care
Respect the time your partner needs to rest and recover from their everyday life. You can respect their time by listening to them when they say they need you to take care of the house or the kids.
You can also respect their self-care by going a step further and setting aside time for them to rest even when they haven’t done it for themselves.
25. Ask your partner how they feel most cherished
You can always ask your partner what they need and what they want out of a relationship. It’s never too late to talk about your marriage, what needs to change, and what you both could be doing better.
Asking your partner about what makes them feel cherished is a natural extension of that. So, talk to them and get curious about their love, joy, and happiness.