You are pregnant and you just lost your partner. No matter what the relationship problems were behind your breakup, you’re on your own right now. You’re wondering how to get over a breakup while pregnant because you’re reminded of what you lost every time you think of your baby.
So, now you’re having a baby with someone who is not in your life and you don’t know how to get over them. It makes sense and it’s scary. But, the good news is that these 15 tips will make your life a little easier and a little less scary.
This post is all about how to get over a breakup while pregnant.
GET OVER A BREAKUP WHILE PREGNANT:
1. Be extra kind to yourself and get enough rest
You’re going through a lot right now. You’re experiencing lots of different emotions, including the joy you have about your new baby. But, you’re also losing your partner, whether your relationship was an abusive relationship or healthy relationship.
It’s still a loss. So, take some time to grieve and be kind to yourself. It’s okay to be pregnant and working on your mental health. Some pregnant people develop the idea that they have to be perfect parents from the womb.
That’s not true and it’s harmful for you to believe that about yourself. Instead, give yourself the space to rest and get through this difficult situation in your own time. This might look like accepting when your emotions are out of whack and messed up.
Maybe you need to tell people “no” if they ask you to go out with them. Maybe you need to cut people out of your life if they don’t support you being a single parent. Use this time to make the best decision for you and respect the amount of time it takes to do that.
2. Get comfortable with asking for extra help
Get vulnerable with people and ask for help. Everyone’s family is a little different and the culture around help might be strenuous if not downright toxic. However, when you’re pregnant you need to let people help you more than ever before.
They will expect you to be a little less capable now that you’re pregnant simply because you are growing a human being inside of you. So, let people be there for you more than you’re used to. You just went through a relationship breakup.
You’re actively getting over someone and you’re now having their baby. That’s a lot and you’re going to need to remember how much that is when you have your baby.
You won’t have the extra support of a spouse to handle the baby when you’re tired in the middle of the night from feeding them. But, you can enlist family members and best friends to help you out. Let them stay over and take care of the baby when you need some sleep.
3. Give yourself time to grieve and watch your favorite movie
Even though you’re pregnant, you can still treat yourself just like someone who got out of a relationship recently. Remember that you got out of a breakup and you need to process your feelings.
Maybe you need to watch a rom com until you feel better or you need to sob on the couch until you fall asleep. Your ex may not be dead, but you’re still grieving them.
This process is even more important because you’re going to spend time around them for the next eighteen years if they choose to be present. You may split custody with them or answer questions from your child about what kind of person their father was.
It won’t be easy and it’ll hurt every time you’re reminded of your breakup. So, do the work now and don’t rush it.
Feel the horrible, painful feelings that you have to feel to process your breakup. Let yourself fall apart because you should do it now rather than wait until the baby is born.
4. Avoid continuously going over the details of your relationship breakdown
Don’t torture yourself. Regardless of the details of your breakup, you will have questions and you’ll be angry. Maybe you’ll search for instances in your relationship that explain what kind of person they became.
Maybe you’ll want to ask your friends if they noticed anything weird or maybe you’ll just be angry about how your relationship ended. It’s understandable to obsess over the relationship that has now ended up with you as a pregnant woman.
But, that won’t change the details. Instead, you’ll get yourself worked up with anger, bitterness, and sadness. It won’t benefit you and you won’t feel any better by the time you go through all the details for the millionth time.
When you want to go over the details, remind yourself that they don’t matter. What matters is that you and your partner aren’t together and that’s something you need to accept.
5. Consider asking someone to be your birth partner
Ask someone you trust to be there for you. This person will be ready at the drop of a hat to meet you at the emergency room or even pick you up from your house. They’ll have a bag packed, which you two packed together.
They’ll be ready to sleep over at the hospital, in your room, and stay there until the baby is born. This person will be there to support you when your ex can’t.
It’s a good idea to choose someone who will feel honored by your request and will give you the support you need during the birth. Your pregnancy and birth will inevitably make you feel the pain of the break up repeatedly.
The emotional pain will suck as much as the physical pain, so choose someone to help you through it. Let them be strong for you when all you can think about is the pain you’re experiencing while you’re in labor and leading up to it.
6. Recognize the role of pregnancy hormones in your emotions
You may feel like your emotions are catching you off-guard. Maybe this breakup doesn’t feel like the other breakups you’ve been through and you don’t understand why these emotional changes are happening.
Research shows that women experience increased mood swings, meaning higher highs and lower lows, when they’re pregnant. So, when your emotions feel like they’re all over the place, it’s likely because the pregnancy hormones are affecting the way you feel.
Going through a breakup at any point in your life will mess with your emotions. However, when you’re pregnant, your brain is operating at different levels completely.
You’re experiencing hormones that make you feel increasingly maternal and protective over your child. This means that your emotions are likely making the situation feel even more painful than it would otherwise and that could be due to your pregnancy.
7. Remember that you are not alone and you can seek professional help
You are not alone and you don’t have to figure this out alone. There are lots of barriers to treatment, and therapy can be expensive. Maybe you struggle to move as easily as you could before you were pregnant.
Whatever it may be, it’s still worth considering therapy. A marriage and family therapist can consider your pregnancy and breakup in the context of your relationships and yourself as an individual.
They can help you better understand the way that you relate to people and the coping mechanisms you’ve learned along the way. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the amount of grief you’re dealing with on top of being pregnant, you’re not alone.
A therapist can help you navigate all of your struggles. They can guide you and use their training to help you walk through steps like the ones on this blog without you having to figure it out on your own.
8. Notify healthcare providers that the baby’s father is not present
If you get the chance, let your doctor and nurses know that the father is not present in the baby’s life. This will likely make you feel much more comfortable going to appointments because they may be less likely to ask painful questions.
Prepare yourself for the questions if they come up, like “Will the baby’s father be joining us?” This will be especially important if he has attended previous appointments before you two broke up.
Keep in mind that, when healthcare providers ask these questions, they never do it to cause harm.
So, avoid displacing your anger on them, and remember that they’re there to help. They may not always do the right thing or understand perfectly, which is why it’s so important to consider bringing in a birth partner with you.
9. As much as it hurts, remind yourself that the breakup is not the end of the world
Your breakup is not the end of the world. This sounds harsh and you’re probably not ready to hear it yet because it is fresh for you. That’s okay. Save this for later when you’re ready to reread it.
In the moment, you’re feeling the worst you’ve felt in a while if not ever. You’re pregnant and you lost your partner, who could have helped raise the child. Everyone’s situation is different, so maybe you’re glad they won’t help raise the child.
Regardless, you’re going to feel it and it’s going to hurt. Just remember that you’ll get through this. You will have your child, raise them, and remember this breakup as a bump in the road that partially led to your child being born.
You’re allowed to feel every second of it and know that you’ll experience so much after you get through the partner breakup that it’ll eventually feel tiny compared to the other stuff in your life.
10. Ask for child support from the baby’s father
Consider financial support. You will need help raising a child on your own. You likely plan on working, so you won’t be able to watch your child during the day before they get old enough for school.
Maybe you can tap into your support system and ask your parents, siblings, or friends to help out while you’re working. Ultimately, it’s important to consider asking your ex for financial support.
This can be done both informally and formally, depending on how amicable your relationship is and depending on your custody arrangements. You may want nothing to do with them because you were in an abusive relationship or toxic relationship with them.
No amount of money is worth bringing that back into your life. This is fair and you shouldn’t listen to anyone who disregards this very valid reason to keep your ex out of your life.
However, if that’s not the case and you’re angry because of the relationship breakup, then you may want to reconsider it.
11. Avoid getting into a new relationship for a while
You’re pregnant, emotional, and in pain. Even when you have your baby, you’ll be tired and you may feel like your entire life only exists for the baby’s sake. So, maybe there’s no point in even mentioning this because it’s the last thing on your mind.
But, if you weren’t pregnant, one of the most important tips for you to follow would be to stay out of a new relationship for a while. Avoid getting involved with a new person, no matter how amazing they seem. You deserve love and a healthy relationship.
However, you deserve that only once you’ve gone through the grieving process from your previous relationship. This will be understandably difficult because of your emotional stress, so give yourself the time you need to get through this challenging time.
12. Consider attending a support group for single mothers
You’re not alone in experiencing a breakup while pregnant. It sucks and there’s no doubt about that, but you can learn from other people. If nothing else, you can attend a support group for people like you to commiserate.
This support group will be led by an experienced clinician who can guide the conversation to benefit everyone involved. Plus, you’ll meet people in the same circumstances as you who are in a different phase of life.
Maybe they’re a single mother who is raising older children like a toddler or teenager. You can learn from people experiencing the same hardship as you as single moms and learn from their experience.
Eventually, the longer you attend these support groups the more likely you are to pass on your own knowledge to another single mother experiencing the same pain that you did when you were pregnant.
13. Allow yourself to feel joy about your unborn child
Get excited about having a baby. You deserve the chance to feel excited and joyful about being pregnant. You inevitably have multiple sources of stress that impact the way you’re able to enjoy your pregnancy.
You lost your ex boyfriend, your body is experiencing physical changes, and you have to think about the finances of having a child. These are all valid reasons to be scared about having your baby and you need to let yourself feel that fear and process the stress you’re feeling.
But, you don’t have to focus just on the pain and fear. You can also get excited and start imagining a life with your baby. You deserve to experience joy alongside the pain you’re processing.
14. Research what it means to be a single parent
It’s useful to get an idea of what to expect. While being a single parent is not the most important thing about your experience or identity, you can’t deny how much it will affect your life.
When you think about your breakup, it’s going to be a struggle to answer questions about children. You’ll have to deal with the constant reminder that you lost your partner and you’re going through this difficult time.
So, you might benefit from doing some research about the problems that single parents face. Maybe you have to approach school differently or maybe you have to talk to your child about their parent as early as you can to help them understand.
If nothing else, you can learn what to expect and what unique issues you’ll face as a single parent that you may not have expected.
15. Rely on your emotional support network
Ask for help. Talk to your close friends, your family, and anyone else you trust about your situation. Let them help be the additional support you need to get through this breakup without feeling lonely and defeated.
You will always have at least one trusted friend or family member to help you when you’re feeling low. Be open with them and communicate with them about what’s going on with you.
It’ll be easier for people to help if they understand what’s happening. Avoid the shame and guilt that may come from being single and pregnant. Your new life as a single parent awaits.