This post is all about how to get over losing your soulmate.
Grieving is hard no matter the context. We can’t make the pain go away or make it feel less uncomfortable, but we can give you some tips for the long haul. Fairy tales can make grieving seem quick and linear, like the pain goes away at some point and you’ve crossed it off your list.
However, in reality, grieving sucks and there’s way to know how long it will suck. The only thing you can rely on is that you’ve been left with the responsibility of a quest you never wanted, but you have a duty to yourself to get through it.
These fifteen steps will get you started in the right direction to grow around the grief so that you can remember the love before the pain the next time you remember your partner.
This post is all about how to get over losing your soulmate.
1. Your grieving process is nobody’s business but your own
Only talk to the people you trust. It’s okay to not share your grieving process with most people, even though they will ask how you’re doing and want to support you. You don’t owe your emotions to anyone no matter how kind or present they are in your life.
Since you’re already dealing with the loss of your best friend, you only have to focus on that grief journey and no one else needs to play a role in it.
This means that you don’t need to put any energy into answering questions that hurt or maintaining relationships that may not be worth maintaining.
Put yourself first during this time and the people who are worth loving will understand that you can’t be expected to energy into anything but surviving grief for the time being.
2. Be mindful of the gift of gratitude
As hard as it is to think about gratitude when you’ve lost the love of your life, you have to reframe the way you think about your negative emotions. You do need to feel the pain, the discomfort, and the epic grief. But, you can also feel the good stuff, too.
It’ll take time to start noticing your reasons to be grateful. Gradually, it’ll become easier to see the positive moments in your everyday life and these moments will give you the strength to sit with the pain.
It won’t take it away or stop it from being the hardest part of living for a while, but it will remind you why you’re putting the effort in to continue living through the pain.
3. Do your best to keep your sense of humor
You can genuinely laugh at a joke and still miss your soul mate. In other words, you can let yourself be happy and still be actively dealing with the loss of your soulmate.
The benefit of keeping your sense of humor is that you get to experience happiness and a reprieve from all of the pain you’re experiencing.
Plus, humor is a great way to connect with neutral friends and feel a different kind of love than the one that you’ve lost. That can be incredibly healing on its own as you work through your grief quest.
4. Remember that this is a life transition
The death of a soulmate changes the rest of your life. But, that’s also the way that life moves forward and you move onto different stages. Leaving the house for college, getting married, and having children are life transitions too.
Unfortunately, when you experience the loss of your soulmate, you end up with a broken heart and have to put in a lot of effort to move into the next stage of life.
This transition is messy and painful, but it is a transition into the next stage. Your life after losing your partner will be a different version of your life, but you still have so much you haven’t experienced from that version of your life.
5. Share details about your first date with loved ones
Talk about your soulmate. Share the experiences you had together. Not only is it important to remember the good times, but it’s also important to involve other people in your process of grieving.
There are likely lots of people who understand this is the hardest thing you’ll ever go through, but they also don’t know how to help as human beings.
When you talk about your first date, wedding day, engagement, and the mundane moments along the way, it helps you remember to feel the love you shared. This is one way that you get to smile and feel joy about the same person who’s causing you to feel so much pain.
The experience of collectively remembering someone everyone knew and loved can help you heal in unexpected ways.
6. Consider the metaphor of the wilderness of grief
“The wilderness of grief” is a term coined by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, and it’s used to describe the range of emotions you experience when grieving the loss of someone.
From feeling lost to angry to every other unique emotion you experience as you process your grief, you can think of it like being in the wilderness. The emotions that you’d experience being lost in the wilderness are probably similar to what you’re experiencing right now.
Dr. Wolfelt is a respected author and grief counselor and Dr. Wolfelt’s books might help you through the wilderness of your grief.
7. Accept and go through the necessary process of grief
There’s no way to stop the grieving process or stop the pain. Any methods that you try to numb yourself with will end up causing you more pain in the end. As cliche as it sounds, grief is as natural to living as love is because grief is what’s left after love.
The best way to process your grief is to accept that you have to feel it no matter how much it hurts. Eventually, you will grow around your grief and develop new ways of relating to it as you accept the loss of the person as a permanent presence in your life.
There’s no way to forget the soulmate connection you built over however many years you two were together. So, focus on that soulmate love and let it hurt for a little while until it starts to feel a little better because it will.
There are lots of reasons that grief makes people shut their loved ones out. Maybe it’s a noble reason or maybe you just can’t deal with a lot of people reaching out to you when you have a broken heart.
Whatever the reason may be, the only thing people want is to support you in whatever way they can. They can’t help heal your own wounds, but they can remind you that you can feel better things than pain on a daily basis.
When you’re in the pit of grief, it can feel like no one else understands that part of your soul, and no one can help you find a safe place to feel good again.
It’s true that no one can help you out feeling the bad thing that is pain in your current situation. But, they can remind you to work on building a better relationship with pain.
9. Be open to new love, whether it’s platonic or romantic
You don’t have to date someone if you lost your partner last year. You never have to re-enter the dating scene or find a new person ever again. It’s okay if the right decision, for now, is that you focus on friendship over your love life.
But you do need to let people love you and be open to new forms of love because that’s the only way you’ll experience the power of physical connection again. Every human needs to experience connection, even if it hurts and requires effort.
The longer that you’re experiencing grief, the more you’ll need to let people help you. This is a great opportunity to meet people who have had your experience by going to local grief meetings where you’ll find other people who have lost loved ones too.
You may never be half of a soulmate relationship ever again, but you still need to connect with someone even if friends are the only true soulmates you need for the rest of your life.
10. As time passes, you will see the pain differently
It may be a long time before you’re able to think about your pain without getting depressed or angry. These gut feelings all tell you that you’re still dealing with the loss of your real soulmate.
As much as you may not want to hear this, you’ll come out of this grieving process a better person. You likely didn’t choose to part ways with your partner, whether they died or you two broke up.
But, regardless of how you two went separate ways, you will be different after grieving them. Your pain will change you and the experience of this loss will make you more resilient, compassionate, and grateful if you come through the other side.
Part of surviving this pain is accepting it as the natural result of loving someone so much that you two were inseparable companions.
11. Put energy into the things that give you positive vibes
There’s no right time to start feeling better after you’ve lost someone. Every individual person will be ready in their own time. There’s no rushing the process, but there’s also no reason to wait until you hit rock bottom.
You can start feeling joy and happiness whenever it feels like the right thing, even if you don’t what that looks like yet. Keep in mind that, as you start thinking about what positivity looks like for you now, you will not betray the person you lost if you feel happy while you miss them.
Missing someone so much that it hurts while you experience joy is one of the most transformative things you’ll experience and this transformation will help you get through it.
12. It’s natural to reach your breaking point
Let yourself reach the breaking point when you need to. You can cry for days on end if that’s what you need to feel right now. There’s no one way to experience heroic mourning, which is the epic pain that follows epic love. Tell people “no” when you can’t go out with them.
Create boundaries when you can’t put energy into anything but trudging through grief. Let your loved ones know that you, the heroic mourner, need more time to experience this loss and let it pass through you at least enough so that you can breathe.
You will need to connect with people before this process is over, but the only way that you get through it at all is by listening to what you need before you listen to what other people tell you you need.
13. Allow yourself to engage with any form of spirituality that helps you
Spirituality can help people connect to something greater than themselves. Sometimes, this gives us meaning and hope and something to believe in. So, maybe you like the idea of free will or psychic connection or the spiritual realm.
Maybe you connect with a religion and that religion has helped you work through this pain. Maybe you like the idea of visiting real psychics and investigating the validity of a psychic cord between you and your lost loved one.
Whatever your spirituality looks like, psychic source or such blind faith that it helps the pain a little, let it help, and find comfort in believing that you’re connected to something larger.
14. Never forget the mutual respect you had for each other
As you work on feeling the pain and working with it, remember the relationship you two had. You were connected on the soul level and the type of love doesn’t die. Give your soulmate credit where it’s due because they likely would hate seeing you in pain.
When we talk about feeling joy along with pain for the first time since they are gone, just imagine how much your partner would celebrate that and walk a mile in your soulmate’s shoes. This isn’t to say that you shut off pain and avoid it.
Instead, let yourself feel the complexity of life from positive to negative emotions all at once, if, for no other reason than because the love of your life would want you to.
15. Always keep in mind that a grief counselor can help
You don’t have to go through this pain without a map. Mental health professionals can guide you through this process and give you tools to work through it in the long run. Once you start working with someone who is trained to help you, you can begin to heal.
And you get to define exactly what that looks like for you. For you, healing might mean that you’re ready for the next relationship after an arduous search for someone good enough.
Or maybe you want to wake up without a pain in your chest every day when you realize your person is gone. You define your goal and a grief counselor will help you get there.