Dating can be a lot of work, even when you’re using dating apps. And, honestly, dating apps can make it that much more work. From the lack of responses to the constant headache of composing a message, you may wonder how to get responses on OkCupid and other dating apps.
We’re here to help with eleven tips that will get you headed in the right direction. We can’t promise that every person you message will instantly respond back.
But, we can promise that you will have the tools to make sure that the people who do respond are interested in the same things as you. These tips will help you to re-think the way that you approach online dating so that it works for you as much as it works for the other person.
This post is all about how to get responses on OkCupid.
HOW TO GET RESPONSES ON OKCUPID:
1. Get that image of your dream girl or boy out of your head
When you start dating, whether it’s online or in-person, it’s easy to get caught up with all of the romance and fantasy of the early stages in dating. The less you know about a person, the easier it is to fill in those gaps with only the most beautiful, attractive details.
This only becomes more true when you’re dating online. Even though it sounds disturbing to say this, online dating can feel less real in some ways than meeting someone “the old-fashioned way.” It’s easy to think of online dating the same way you think of window shopping.
Online dating can encourage people to provide little commitment while maximizing the amount of potential matches. Therefore, you can hold people to a higher standard than you would normally.
You can easily dismiss someone because they don’t match up with the dream version of your future partner. But, in reality, no one can hold up to that standard. If they do, it would be a source of concern anyway.
So, remember that online dating should not be seen as any different than dating in person. You may have more options and can easily reject people without hurting you.
But, that does not change that you still need to treat people like they exist in real life and they’re more than a disembodied face on a screen.
2. Ask your female friends and guy friends what they look for
The more that you think about dating, the more it can get terrifying. It’s easy to overthink dating apps like OK Cupid, especially when all you want is a long-term relationship. If you don’t want that, doesn’t always make it better.
However, it is always worth talking to the people who exist in your life. As we’ve mentioned, it’s easy to forget that these people are in the real world.
When you’re trying to compose that perfect first message or the perfect first move, you may forget that these people actually exist behind their pictures. So, if they exist in real life, then you can rely on real experience to help you speak to them.
You can remember that other person exists outside of a dating app and talk to them like they do. Talk to your friends about the type of things that they want to see on online dating sites. Remember that no one likes to waste their time on dating apps, no matter what.
Regardless of what people are looking for on a dating website, they still want to fulfill a goal and want nothing to get in the way of that goal.
You can get an idea of what people might want by, first, asking them or, if that isn’t helpful, talking to your best friends. Ask them what they look for to help you understand what others might look for.
3. When in doubt, add a better photo of yourself with a great smile
The advice that you should add a picture of you truly, smiling and enjoying yourself is likely very uncommon. When you look at the amount of pictures on dating apps and dating websites, you don’t always see that type of picture.
You may see the highly edited picture that shows people only in the perfect light or you may see that one picture that people take every decade to really, make themselves look nice. No matter what, there is no perfect picture and it really depends on what you want from the dating app.
It’s perfectly fine on a decade, old picture or the one with your shirt up to grab people’s attention. However, that won’t always get you the response that you want. For a lot of people, the biggest draw to someone’s OKCupid profile is probably not the “sexiest” pictures.
Instead, it’s probably the ones where they look like a real person who wants potential dates to see them as they are. So, when we say to add a better photo of yourself, we mean to add a photo that shows people the real you.
You don’t always have to opt for a smile, especially if humor plays a big role in your life and personality. Put out the type of energy you want to receive and make sure your photos reflect that.
Remember that the other person can see what the photo says about you and your personality as much as it tells them how attractive you are. So, you can have fun and be creative when posting pictures because that will attract the type of people you’d want to date in the first place.
4. Ask open-ended questions that are interesting yet neutral
Once you actually start talking to someone new, think of it like the first date. To increase your response rate, you have to show real interest in people. It sounds silly, and probably a little condescending to say that.
However, you can get to a point where you feel like every response is mechanical after you have been sending tons of messages to tons of different people. It makes sense, and online dating can be so difficult.
The good news is that you can still find ways to connect to new people, even if you never end up meeting them in real life. So, you can engage with someone by asking them open-ended questions that actually interest you.
Avoid asking questions that have a predictable answer or have the type of tone that requires them to answer “correctly.” Unless you are trying to weed out potential partners based on political beliefs or values, always opt for questions that are neutral and interesting.
Learn about the person that you want to date. The more interesting your question is, the more it will be clear that you have put thought into this conversation even if you have asked this question to 10 different people that same day.
As we’ve a few times now, it’s all about what you want from a dating app. Some people want a quick one-night stand and some people want a long-term relationship. Either way, you want to tailor your conversations toward that.
And remember that you can still get to know the person that you want to have a quick one-night stand with.
As long as you are clear about what you want, your reply rate should increase exponentially by simply taking an interest in the other person and showing that by the types of questions that you ask them.
5. Avoid involving social media until you both consent to it
It’s tricky to resist the impulse to stalk your potential partner on social media. We know there are multiple motivations behind this, including safety, especially for women. However, it’s not totally fair to both parties if there is stalking going on behind the scenes.
That’s not to say that it isn’t there and it isn’t available for you to use as a resource. But, we do have to acknowledge that it’s not typically consensual, especially in the beginning. Social media is a curated highlight reel.
And, we would argue here at Knockoff Therapy, that dating apps are a form of social media. They are another form of curated content designed for a specific purpose.
This means that when you go to stalk someone from a dating app on Facebook or Instagram or any other type of social media app, you are engaging with different types of curated content.
You may find an account that is solely designed for their family to look at and keep up with the new things in their life. Or maybe they created a Facebook account solely for employment purposes.
There’s no way to know, and that means that it can be hard for you to understand how this information fits into real life. That’s why it’s important to focus on this part of the relationship when there’s consent on both sides.
It may sound silly, especially in a day and age where everything is online for the most part. However, it can kind of take the joy out of dating if you have all these questions that the other person doesn’t expect you to have.
Maybe it’s worth waiting for things to happen instead of forcing them to happen before they’re ready.
6. Focus on messages that will start good conversations
When all else fails, focus on the tools you can use to start and maintain a great conversation. Show an interest in the other person and show that you’re listening and then when they respond to you.
As much time as people put into composing their opening messages, they forget to maintain that same energy for every other message. If you are worried that the conversation has reached a natural end and you don’t want to stop talking to other person, tell them that.
It may make you feel vulnerable and they may not respond the way you want them to, but at least you are being your authentic self whether it’s on a dating app or in person. The chances are that the more you get vulnerable and honest, the more the other person will trust you.
Then, they want to continue the conversation. We can all agree that there’s nothing worse, especially when doing the online dating scene than wasting your time on someone who tells you nothing more than what they think you want to hear.
Be the person that stays invested and continues the conversation because you genuinely care. Caring can take a variety of different forms and it doesn’t mean that you have to marry the person.
It can simply look like one human being connecting to another because, fundamentally, we all need and want that.
7. Maintain your sense of perspective on the world of online dating
No matter how much times have changed and technology has rapidly advanced, online dating is still the same. Yes, you can video chat with people in ways that weren’t possible twenty years ago and you can connect with someone on the other side of the world in seconds.
However, people stay the same. The people who want something different than you want may still lie to you to get what they want. You may get so disconnected from the human aspect of online dating that you swipe through faces like it’s a game.
There can also be a lot of rejection involved, which sucks (and is still pretty much the same as meeting someone in person). It’s understandable, especially the more that you become disillusioned.
If you get bitten enough times, you probably will want to stop thinking about online dating as a meaningful way to meet new people and go on that second date. But that’s still what it is as long as you want that.
You can find that, while also being aware that some people just aren’t in it to be authentic and honest about what they’re looking for. So, this piece of online dating advice comes with two takeaways.
First, keep your head in the game and stay connected to the people on the other side of the screen. Second, accept that you’ll probably run into hurtful people of use you or misunderstand what you want and get hurt. That doesn’t mean that the first piece of advice is any less useful.
8. Figure out if you want long-term relationships before you press send
Online dating can get you what you want if you look in the right places and communicate what you want. You can go into it for a one-night stand and be very clear that’s what you want. You can also be honest in saying that you want a long-term relationship.
Since online dating apps are really only split between those categories, it’s important to decide which you fit into. That way you can find the appropriate site for you and advertise yourself openly. This means communicating the type of relationship you want in your profile.
The goal is to increase the amount of responses you get by connecting you with compatible people and discouraging people whose desires don’t fit with yours. Honestly, this will probably mean that plenty of people with an attractive main photo won’t swipe right on you.
This just means you don’t want what they want. But, that also means you’re going to meet plenty of people with an attractive main photo who do.
Not only will you increase your online dating success with a good profile that is accurate, but you may find that you have more common interests with the people you meet.
9. Comment on specific interests from the other person’s dating profile bio
Show the other person that you paid attention to them. You can still connect with someone even if your relationship ends up being short-lived. So, read the profile of the person and send them a message based on that profile.
It may be helpful to look for similar interests so that you two can instantly connect in that way. Remember that increasing your response rate is designed to increase the chances you have of finding the person you like.
You have to come at the question of “How to get responses on OKCupid?” with the right intention. This means that are you interested in making a connection with someone or getting a better idea of why someone doesn’t fit with you.
It may not feel good in the moment, but it does man that you aren’t trying to use someone or misrepresent what you want from online dating. In other words, be honest and make connections along the way until you get the desired outcome.
People will always notice when you are copying and pasting a response without caring about the person on the other side. It may work, but it isn’t fulfilling to either of you.
10. Limit the physical compliments in the initial message
When you are first talking to someone new, the last thing you want to do is shower them with compliments. Yes, that is stuff they deserve to hear and that can come later.
However, you want to avoid hitting them with that right outside of the gate because it doesn’t do anything to build the connection between you. There will be plenty of time for compliments later on.
Eventually, you will feel confident that those compliments will help build your relationship after the foundation has been established. We all know that dating apps and websites don’t always foster meaningful connections.
Instead, they can encourage quick, meaningless interactions, which makes it that much more difficult to get people to trust you and contributes to a lower response rate. So, to get responses on apps like OKCupid, you need to avoid giving physical compliments to the other person.
Wait until you can be sure they’ll understand that it doesn’t make your connection shallow or meaningless.
Instead, you can withhold those compliments until the other person can appreciate them as a deepening of your relationship regardless of how long it will last and what the ultimate goal of your interaction is.
Whether the goal is a one-night stand or a long-term relationship, most people want to be seen and you can’t achieve that unless you limit the physical compliments and focus on the mental connection between you two.
11. Talk to the other person the way you’d talk to them in real life
There are lots of ways you can stress out about chatting with someone on a dating app. You can rewrite your initial text to them multiple times and send it to your friends for feedback.
However, for most people that want the same things you do, the best approach is to simply treat them like a person you ran into in real life. If you feel awkward saying it to a new face in a coffee shop, then don’t say it in a message.
Treat them like a person and they will respond. If they don’t, you can safely assume that you two have different goals, which would make the two of you incompatible anyway.
Plus, you need to remember that people can reject you for reasons that have nothing to do with your meaningful message.
People may still reject the message that you carefully composed to comment on interests from their post while briefly mentioning how beautiful their smile in the second picture was. Stay strong with your intentions, and it will show in the way that you message people.
