Introverts can be difficult to understand if you’re not an introvert or not as introverted as your partner. You may even wonder how to love an introvert when you don’t understand them. They might shut down and close themselves off from you without telling you why.
This is normal and it’s bound to happen in any relationship, regardless of whether one of you is introverted or not. However, you’re still allowed to want more information, new skills to better love your introverts, and to get a better idea of what goes on in an introvert’s mind.
These 30 ways on how to love an introvert will help you understand your partner and improve your relationship.
This post is all about how to love an introvert.
HOW TO LOVE AN INTROVERT:
1. Tap into their adventurous side
Introverted or not, everyone has an adventurous side. They have a passion or desire that gets them excited. Your introverted partner likes to go on adventures just like you do, but those adventures might look different. Communicate with them and ask them what they like to do.
2. Work on self-reflection and strengthen your introspective skills
Introverts are often in their own heads. They like their quiet time and, often, that quiet time ends with them self-reflecting. It can be intimidating to date someone who has a high level of self-awareness.
They probably like to talk about what’s making the relationship work and what’s not. Not every introvert likes to share what’s going on with them, but they have to think about it a lot. So, it’s a good idea to get comfortable with sitting with your thoughts, too.
3. Facilitate open communication between you and your partner
Get curious about your partner. Share your deep thoughts with them and don’t be afraid of letting that conversation go to a deeper level. It can feel isolating and scary for the introvert in your life to spend time alone and separate from you.
You may even think this amount of personal space is too much for a relationship, which is why it’s important to communicate with them. Not only can you let them know when the space is too much for you, but they can tell you when they need to recharge their social battery.
4. Introverts may show interest in different ways than you’d expect
Introverts may be interested in you and never actually speak to you because they’re nervous or intimidated. Even if they do talk to you, you may never get the feeling that they want to date you because they interpret their actions differently than you do.
While it’s important to respect when someone tells you no, it’s also fine to ask an introvert if they want to go on a first date. If you think an introvert is interested, you may be right and it may be their introversion that is keeping them from making a move.
5. Keep in mind that they enjoy spending time with people
Introverts like to hang out with people, engage in meaningful conversations, and form deep connections with people. It’s when they spend too much time around people or spend time around too many people that they start to get overloaded and need space.
So, the key to being an introverted person in social settings is to choose the right people, for the right duration, and the right purpose. Your introvert partner enjoys spending time with people, but they do like to have some control over those interactions.
6. Remember that introverts often enjoy connecting with extroverted friends
You’re not doomed if you’re an extrovert and you’re dating an introvert. Introverts pair well with extroverts because they can still form a deep connection, even if that deeper connection happens to feel different for both people.
Having an extroverted partner can benefit introverts because they get to know someone with a different personality, get challenged, and can teach the extrovert a thing or two about introverts.
7. Identify a mutual interest for a fun outing
Think of the outing your partner would appreciate. The key to introvert dating is that you can’t think of them as people without any interests who would prefer to stay at home all the time.
Certainly, introverts need their alone time to recharge their social energy tank, but that in no way means they want to stay at home all the time. This is why you can get creative and ask yourself what you two can do outside of the home that they would love.
8. Share every deep thought that you have with your partner
Be open and honest with your partner. Share your thoughts with them because you both will enjoy the conversation that comes from those deep thoughts. Even if your thoughts seem silly to you, it’s important to share them with your partner as a way to connect.
Let them know what’s on your mind, unpolished or not. Get used to thinking about your partner as someone who deeply enjoys their conversations with you.
9. Plan a few low-key activities with your introvert every once in a while
While your partner is likely to spend time around large groups of people for you, they’re unlikely to want to do this as the only type of activity you two ever do outside of the home.
So, consider a few activities that don’t require them to meet new people or engage in social interactions. This might look like going on a hike, painting ceramics together, or seeing a movie.
10. Ask them open-ended questions because introverts have unique perspectives
Get curious about your partner. The moment you stop getting curious and start assuming you know all the answers is the same moment your relationship loses its magic. Ask your partner broad questions and get fascinated by their answer.
You should never feel the need to fake an interest in your partner, so ask them questions you genuinely want them to answer and start a conversation.
11. Understand how deeply they can enjoy the company of others as long as they’re taking care of themselves first
Remember that your introvert needs time to recharge when they’ve been around lots of people or a small amount of people for a while. So, even if your introvert tells you they can handle more social events, remind them to prioritize their well-being.
Keep in mind that you and your partner likely have different needs and they might ignore their own needs to make you happy.
12. Identify where your introvert is on the introvert spectrum
The introvert in your life could be the type to avoid all social interactions if they can. Whereas, you might be dating someone who likes to be around people but can’t handle long bouts of it or large groups of people without becoming irritable.
Communicate with your introvert about their needs and how being an introvert affects them. It’s possible that they don’t need as much alone time as other introverts, so forcing it onto them without talking about it could hurt more than it helps.
13. Always remember your needs matter and prioritize them
It’s important to be attuned to your partner’s needs. This is especially true if your partner struggles to let you know what they need.
However, avoid letting their needs come before your own needs. You want to think about your partner’s needs and ask them about how well you are fulfilling them.
Every relationship needs to have an open dialogue about how each of you is getting your needs fulfilled, but that should never come at the expense of one person’s needs. Your needs are valid, so treat them like they are.
14. Take your relationship at your own pace
Your relationship will not look the same as all of the relationships around you. That’s normal, that’s okay, and it’s important. For a relationship to work for the unique people involved, it has to look different than other relationships.
As long as you two work towards the ultimate goal of fulfilling each other’s needs, you are building a strong, healthy relationship. You may reach milestones at a different time than you expect, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is any less meaningful.
15. Look for the unique qualities of your partner aside from their introversion
Your partner is more than their introversion. Yes, they’re an introvert and that probably defines a lot of how you two interact with each other and other people.
But, they’re also a person aside from being an introvert, and it’s a small part of who they are. Remember to appreciate their personality traits and personality type regardless of them being an introvert or extrovert.
16. Ask your introvert what they consider to be a good surprise
Let your partner tell you what they like. You don’t have to make it into a guessing game and surprise them in a way that will give them lots of stress and anxiety. When people tell you that you should know what your partner wants, they’re right to an extent.
You should know what your partner wants because they’ve told you or you’ve asked them. You can know everything about your partner and still guess wrong about what kind of surprises they like, if any. This is a way to have fun and stay comfortable.
17. Realize your introverted partner will pick up on that small detail you didn’t notice
Get used to your partner picking up on details you miss. Introverts naturally notice details that other people, especially extroverts, miss. They’re attuned to social environments, naturally and usually accidentally look for distractions, and enjoy being observant.
It’s natural for them to remember the exact location of that very specific item that you lost without remembering where the other very specific item you lost is.
They pick up on details here and there, collecting them all day, and usually have little use for them other than to entertain themselves.
18. Keep in mind that introverts can get stuck in their own head
When it looks like your partner is ignoring and rejecting you, it could be that they’re just stuck in their own head. Maybe they’re having a conversation with themselves and they’ve zoned out of the conversation.
Or maybe they’re thinking about something you said so deeply that they don’t realize they’re not listening to you anymore.
If you’re uncertain about why they just got super quiet, consider the fact that they just got distracted by their thoughts and try to ground them in the present by talking to them. Physical touch is a great way to get someone out of their head and make them realize they zoned out.
19. Ask about your partner’s needs and how you can better fulfill them
No matter who you’re dating or how long you’ve been dating, you should always ask and double-check your partner’s needs.
Your partner’s needs may change and, even if they don’t, you want to make sure you’re meeting their needs. In any healthy relationship, you may need to compromise to meet both your needs and your partner’s needs.
That’s why it’s important to keep an open conversation going, in which you learn more about each other, how you two are changing, and what makes you happy.
20. Remember that not all introverts are shy introverts
The labels introvert and extrovert tell you more about yourself and where you feel the most comfortable. For some introverts, there’s no better joy than spending time around lots of interesting, cool people at social gatherings.
The introverted part of them simply needs to recharge after those social events, whereas an extrovert would be energized by spending time around others. Your partner can be introverted and the life of the party, so don’t assume they’re shy and nervous because of their introversion.
21. Notice their body language and ask them about their feelings
Introverts may not always tell you when they are uncomfortable or ready to leave a social gathering. They may even deny it when their body language indicates they are ready to leave.
You can look for their wandering eyes, a bouncing leg, constantly shifting in their seat, or facing away from other people. The chances are that if you offer to leave and they are tired of being around people, they’ll be eternally grateful that you noticed their discomfort.
22. Keep in mind that it’s always the little things that make someone feel seen
Dating an introvert can be overwhelming, especially if you are not an introvert. When all else fails, remember that your partner is a human being just like you. They have the same needs and desires that everyone has, even if they look a little different.
This means that you can think about them as a person and not as an introvert and still get things right a lot of the time.
Understanding your partner’s introversion will help you understand their actions. But, you can still understand them without remembering every detail of what being an introvert means to them.
23. Challenge them to leave their comfort zone
While you never want to cross someone’s boundaries, you do want to challenge them. Part of your job as someone who cares about your partner is to challenge them.
Remind them to get uncomfortable sometimes because that’s how you grow and experience new things. This can look like leaving the house when they want to stay home or joining a local dance class as part of a couple’s date.
24. Understand when your introvert needs to exit social situations
Learn the cues for when your introvert wants to leave. You can also come up with some cues in advance so that you can your partner know exactly when the other person needs to leave a gathering.
There’s nothing worse for an introvert than to be stuck in a social situation and realizing you’re burnt out. The longer they stay in that situation, the more they’re going to get irritable and shut down.
Therefore, they’re not engaging with people or enjoying their time and it’s important to leave before they reach this point.
25. Start a conversation about your and your partner’s love languages
Love languages can be eye-opening if only because you start to realize that you are showing your partner love in the ways you want to be shown love.
In other words, learn your partner’s love language so that you don’t end up trying to love with words of affirmation when they prefer quality time. This helps each of you realize what love looks like from the other person’s perspective.
26. Recognize how much they likely hate small talk
Small talk is the bane of an introvert’s existence. They can still handle it, but it takes extra effort to talk about random topics that everyone pretends to care about to appear socially acceptable.
Introverts have the social skills to handle small talk, but it takes the energy they could be using for much more interesting and important tasks. They’d rather talk about meaningful topics that people care about and take an interest in.
27. Give them their much-needed alone time
No matter how much an introvert feels comfortable in their romantic relationship and loves their partner, they need their space. They need to recharge and connect with themselves again.
If you want to date an introvert, you need to accept that they need space from you sometimes and it’s not a reflection of you or how much love you. Once you accept that, your relationship will flourish because your partner will feel understood and loved, introverted and all.
28. Recognize how few people they let into their life
Most people don’t get to know the real person behind the introvert. They see the image that the introvert puts off, whether that’s a “don’t talk to me” type of vibe or an “I love talking to you even though it destroys my soul” type of vibe.
So, when you start dating an introvert and they let you in on who they are, that’s magical. It means they love you and trust you to be one of the few people who truly know them.
29. Take advantage of the fact that your introverted partner is a good listener
When you talk about something you find interesting or that your partner finds interesting, they can listen to you for hours. If you want to talk about family problems or coworker problems, your partner is all ears.
They may not be able to help you solve the problem, but they can be the sounding board you need to figure out your solution.
30. Learn to compromise especially if you’re not an introvert
Be ready to compromise, not because your needs matter less but because compromise is crucial in every relationship. Talk about the compromise and make it clear what your needs are and where you’re willing to meet in the middle.
Open conversation about compromises can decrease resentfulness because you make it clear to your partner that you value your own needs as much as you value theirs.