You’re in a long-distance relationship and you want to stay ahead of long distance relationship problems. We’re here to help and we’re glad that you’re here. As you go through this list of 15 possible problems in your long-distance relationship, you may get overwhelmed.
Remember that this list is designed to prepare you for the possibilities. Therefore, it does not include every problem that will pop up and you also will not encounter every problem on this list. Take a deep breath because you’ve got this.
This blog is all about long distance relationship problems.
LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS:
1. Be aware of cultural differences between you and your partner
To consider cultural differences might sound silly depending on your circumstances. Perhaps, you and your partner live in the same country, so you don’t think you have very many cultural differences.
However, we often don’t realize how different we are from our partners until we learn more and more about them. At first, we fall in love with them based on the foundation of who they are. We learn the basics about them and spend time with them to understand their personality.
We unintentionally fill in the rest of the details until those details get filled in later on. It’s when those details get filled in later that we begin to realize how big of a role culture plays for people.
It might be religion, immigration, or physical location. So, take time to think about the cultural differences between you and your partner before they seemingly come out of nowhere.
2. Recognize that relationship issues will be harder because of the long distance relationship
Long-distance couples experience a lot of joy. And no type of relationship is free from pain and struggles.
However, it’s still important to recognize that, when you have a physical distance between you and your partner, long-distance relationship problems seem so much bigger than if you were in a regular relationship without the distance.
Here at Knockoff Therapy, we like to focus on solutions rather than problems. So, while you should not focus on the fact that your relationship is likely harder than others because it’s long-distance, you have to accept that as a part of your experience.
Once you accept that, you can move on to focusing on the problems that pop up without dreading the fact that they feel worse because you can’t sit in the same room with your partner whenever you want.
3. You won’t feel as free to commit time to your personal growth
It can be difficult to commit time to personal growth anytime you’re in a relationship. Factors like how long you’ve been dating, how close you live to each other, and your past experiences with romantic relationships all can complicate your relationship.
They how comfortable you feel focusing on yourself in a relationship. Personal growth is crucial to the health of every relationship, especially to avoid issues like codependence from popping up.
That doesn’t make it easier, but it should encourage you to do the internal work that you need to do to feel comfortable stepping away from the relationship on occasion to prioritize yourself.
In a healthy relationship, you should never feel threatened that your partner will break up with you for pursuing your own career goals or personal goals. So, put extra effort into scheduling time for you to prioritize your needs and goals aside from your relationship.
4. You can’t rely on body language as easily during arguments
You may not notice this right away. But, in the moments when you rely on it the most, you’ll realize that your partner can hide their feelings from you much more easily than if you were in person.
When you normally could see them turning away from you or looking off in the distance, you may not know how to interpret similar behaviors over video. This becomes even more challenging when you’re on the phone without being able to see them.
If you are video calling them, then you may misinterpret their body language and assume they’re upset with you because they’re looking off at something behind the camera. Examples like these could easily start arguments when they tell you they’re not upset and you’re not convinced.
This can definitely go both ways and it’s important to be aware of moments when you feel this happening. Communicate with them in those moments and tell them you’re having a hard time reading them. So, you’d love to have an open conversation about how they’re feeling.
5. Trust issues will be easier to develop due to the distance
Trust issues are natural, unfortunately. The good news is that, most of the time, you can improve upon your lack of trust by talking to your partner.
It’s scary and it requires you to value the relationship enough that you’d rather be honest and jeopardize it than hide your feelings. Trust issues can come up when your partner mentions their friend from work or the best friend from high school they had brunch with the other day.
A lot of the trust issues that come up probably happen only because you aren’t there in person and you may be jealous of the time other people get to physically be in the same space as your partner. Clearly, it’s possible that you are justified in not trusting your partner.
However, starting off your romantic relationship with that mindset is damaging and it will only hurt your relationship.
So, be aware of trust issues as they crop up and communicate to your partner about them. If your partner doesn’t help you work through them, especially when you come from a vulnerable place, then you may need to re-think your relationship.
6. You may struggle to make regular visits happen
Even though everyone believes they know what they’re getting into with a long-distance partner, it’s still easy to get caught up with dreams. You imagine visiting them all the time, regardless of whether you actually believe that’s possible.
Most likely, you two are very aware of how hard that may be. But, that doesn’t stop you from wishing it would happen and that hurts. It hurts when you keep visualizing the next time you get to meet them and you’re not sure when that’s going to be.
Finances, schedules, and distance get in the way. It happens and it’s okay. So, let yourself be okay with it and notice those moments when you start visualizing yourself seeing him and falling in love with that idea even if it’s not feasible.
Long distance couples can survive the distance without visiting each other all the time. It’s possible but only if you let go of your idealized version of the relationship. Let yourself deal with the hard emotions that come with geographical distance from your partner.
7. On busy days, you may have no energy for phone calls with your partner
As much as you love your partner and want to spend time with them, you also have to recognize the amount of energy that can go into a relationship. In geographically close relationships, that time can happen pretty easily and without much planning.
It’s not as easy in a long-distance relationship. Whether you have to negotiate different time zones, business, or just get enough energy to actually engage with your partner over video chat, you’ll struggle at some point. And you’ll likely beat yourself up for it, too.
This is the time when you need to approach yourself with compassion while also making sure that you prioritize your relationship. On the one hand, you need to be kind and understanding of yourself.
When you work full-time or attend school full-time, you have a lot on your plate and you don’t always have the energy for anything else. So, it’s okay if you’re struggling to balance everything. On the other hand, your relationship should be one thing you prioritize if you can.
Your partner deserves you to be present in your relationship even if requires you to re-evaluate the other ways you spend your time and how you separate your work or school life from your personal life.
8. The two of you may struggle to identify an end date
When neither of you is sure the next time you’ll be in person or quit the distanced part of your relationship, it takes a toll. As much as we try, it’s natural for us to cope with hard feelings by focusing on past joy or future joy.
We’d rather ruminate on great memories or imagine all of the great possibilities ahead than be in the painful present. If you take nothing else from this blog, remember that you are brave for being willing to put in the long-distance relationship work.
You and your partner are strong and long-distance relationships are not easy. When there’s no end date in sight, you may struggle to maintain the motivation to stay with your romantic partner. There’s no shame in any of the feelings you’re experiencing.
Doubts are understandable and kind of important for you to be sure that you’re committed to this relationship regardless of the distance between you two.
It’s also okay to walk away if you feel like you’re not in it anymore and the pain of being apart makes it hard for you to continue your day-to-day life.
9. Your relationship will require a lot of conscious effort
Every healthy relationship requires effort. That’s often when things go awry. A couple can get complacent and forget to put in work because their relationship is strong enough without it. However, every relationship needs consistent effort to make sure it stays loving and joyful.
Otherwise, relationships can deteriorate into misunderstandings, increased arguments, and a lack of respect.
Your relationship may require more effort than other relationships because you have to put effort into effective communication, finding creative ways to maintain your physical connection, and maintaining emotional intimacy.
It’ll be easy to avoid the hard topics during your conversations because you don’t have the luxury of spending the majority of your time together. Instead, you have to set aside periods of time for you and your partner to be together in the moment.
10. You will need to pay special attention to your mental health
You always should pay attention to your mental health and stay on top of self-care. Self-care, in this case, means taking the time to do things that you enjoy and benefit from. We’re looking for activities that provide you with long-term gratification.
The kind that goes beyond the moment you turn off your phone or pause your show. You can do any kind of activity that feels good in the moment, but remember that certain activities will give you energy and others will deplete it even if the activity feels good.
So, identify the self-care activities that feel good to you and leave you feeling better than you went in.
This is the key to taking care of your mental health and making sure that, with everything you’re dealing with in your long-distance relationship, you’re taking care of your basic mental health needs.
The more that you take care of yourself, the more you can deal with the ups and downs of the distance between you and your partner.
11. Social media will make it easy to compare yourself to others
The whole idea that “comparison is the thief of joy” is 100% accurate. Some people can distance themselves from social media or remain distanced from the negativity that often pops up and the highlight reel that almost always pops up.
But, it’s hard to do that, especially when you see the happiest couples posting pictures of themselves together and joyful. Social media can make it hurt more than usual when you see people living their best lives in their happy, geographically close relationships.
You don’t have to stop spending so much time on social media because that’s another level of difficulty and relatively unnecessary. However, you can remind yourself that these people don’t post the hard moments nor do they have the same circumstances as you.
12. Your time difference work against you when try to call
There’s no doubt that the time difference is a struggle. Even if your time difference isn’t very big, you still think about it. You’re thinking about what time they’ll read your text or whether you’re random call will wake them up.
Luckily, not every long-distance couple has to worry about a time difference. But, if you’re one who does, you need to be aware that that can affect you in the long term. It may not feel like a big deal in the moment, so be aware in case it eventually becomes a bigger deal.
13. Quality time may look different and be more difficult to achieve
It can be hard enough to make sure that you spend quality time with your partner in the way that they want without physical distance. When you add distance into the mix, it becomes harder and a lack of communication can exacerbate that.
That’s why it’s more important than ever to do the hard work, get curious about your partner, and get real.
Be honest with your partner about the places where your needs are not being met and ask them about the places where their needs aren’t getting met. Start with quality time and talking about what the looks like for you.
14. You will have to be careful to foster a strong emotional connection
Put time and energy into your emotional connection. For a lot of people, this is vague and meaningless. So, let’s talk about what an emotional connection looks like. Emotional vulnerability is terrifying and it often scares people, especially when there’s distance.
Therefore, part of what makes an emotional connection strong is bravery. You have to be willing to put your emotions out there and get rejected for your relationship to thrive.
If you’re committing to someone who lives in a different zip code, then you have to recognize that the lack of physical proximity requires a higher level of commitment than other relationships.
You care about your partner enough to not see them for a while and stay with them anyway. Be brave enough to make that relationship worth the wait.
15. One or both of you may not like to do video calls
Long-distance love relies on communication. Your primary means of communication are text messages, phone calls, and video chat. We’ve talked about common problems that pop up, but we haven’t talked about one of the most difficult ones.
If someone in your relationship doesn’t like to video chat, it limits the connection you two can have. There’s nothing wrong with relying on voice calls, but you need to both be on board.
The only way that you will get through any of the problems on this blog is by developing self-awareness about the way that your personal stuff interacts with doing long-distance and by talking it out with your partner. Your preference for communicating is no different.
