This post is all about your relationship goals checklist.
Whether you’re in a relationship and questioning it or you’re daydreaming about the person you’ll meet one day, you’re where you need to be. If you struggle with anxiety, it’s even more difficult to stay 100% of your relationship all the time.
But, that’s why it’s important to check in with a relationship and figure out if it’s really worth leaving. These twelve tips will clear your mind and help you to think about how beneficial your current relationship is for both and your partner.
And, if you’re dropping in while you wait on meeting your person, this list will have you prepared for a great relationship down the road.
As you read through these tips, keep in mind that all of this only matters if you and your partner are equally committed to making the relationship work for both of you. So, take care of yourself and check in with how you feel as you read through this blog.
This post is all about your relationship goals checklist.
RELATIONSHIP GOALS CHECKLIST:
The foundation of every relationship is trust, but that doesn’t mean you get it at the start of a relationship. The more you get to know your partner or friend, the more you learn to trust them and that trust in them is well-placed.
However, once you and your partner have developed a trusting relationship, you then need to maintain that trust. Show them that you are committed to them and remind them the ways in which you support and choose them.
Ultimately, trust means more in a relationship than not cheating. It also means choosing your partner everyday and building their trust in you staying present as a partner, companion, and best friend.
This goes for your partner too: no matter how long you’ve been with your partner, it’s easy to get into the dynamics of “phoning it in” and forgetting that you both deserve a relationship in which both people actively show love and give time to their partner.
This is all part of trust. Stay present with your partner and keep yourself accountable to being the partner they trust you to be.
Be open with the people who matter to you. Honest communication is a skill because it’s scary to be honest with the people you care about most.
The more honest you are, the more vulnerable you are and the easier it will be for them to hurt when they don’t react the way you want them to. Not to mention the fact that being open and honest with your partner should never be an excuse to hurt them.
When adding communication to your relationships goals checklist, remember that you can be kind and honest at the same time.
This also means you expect the same standard of open and honest communication from your partner. However, if they struggle to give you that level of communication, use your communication skills to talk it through with them.
Everyone brings their own baggage to a relationship and, as difficult and frustrating as it can sometimes be, it’s normal to explore that as you get closer to your partner or friend. While it might come easily to you, your partner might have learned that open communication leads to conflict and people leaving.
So, explore that with them and revert back to your trust in them and desire to make the relationship work for both of you.
3. Mutual respect
Respect is an essential part of every healthy relationship. Respect allows you to see your partner as a person with their own past, trauma, habits, and life.
Yes, you’re now a huge part of the life, but you need to respect everything that your partner brings to the table just like they respect everything your bring to the table.
To be clear, your partner needs to respect you as much as you respect them or you’re in danger of entering an abusive relationship.
It’s normal to get into a relationship and do self-work. If you’re in a relationship for decades, you have to do self-work while being in a relationship. However, you can also struggle with building healthy relationship skills.
People don’t always get into a relationship ready to take all of that responsibility on, but they also have to show a willingness to learn and improve both as a person and as a partner. It’s when they lack the mutual respect and have no interest in working on treating their partner with that kindness, empathy, and respect that that person is not right for you.
4. Shared values
While you don’t have to believe all of the same things as your partner, you do have to share some core beliefs. These beliefs can include anything from monogamy to religion to family roles within the home.
You want to have conversations early on about the issues that matter to you to keep you and your partner from experiencing pain and resentment down the line. For instance, you want to address the topic of marriage and children.
Address questions like how your partner feels about marriage in comparison with your values and if they see themselves with children.
The goal of these value conversations is to avoid judgment. Instead, think of these conversations as ways to double check if you’re compatible.
You can meet someone who you like, get along with, and enjoy spending time around until you’ve been together for seven years and realize they want to get married. People can change their values overtime, especially as they heal from past trauma.
But, the goal you add to your relationship goals checklist should never be to change someone into your optimal partner.
Not only is this a harmful foundation for a relationship, but it’s only going to cause you pain if you’re not able to convince your partner to change.
5. Quality time
Quality time looks different to everyone. Think about how you define it and keep in mind that your partner may think about it differently. Regardless, make time for each other. Find ways to go out on a date night or watch a movie together, or cuddle.
Talk with your partner about what quality time means to them and make an effort to enjoy some quality time that meets both of your standards.
For some people, watching a show together is quality time. For others, it’s talking for hours on end about anything and everything. Consider what’s meaningful to you and your partner and the kind of time you need to dedicate to each other to keep your relationship healthy and happy.
As much as you the two of you should love spending time around each other, it’s equally important that each of you has something for yourself. If this is work, that’s great. But ask yourself if you’d continue working if you won the lottery.
If the answer is still yes, you’ve found your thing. Otherwise, you and your partner should both pick up hobbies that bring joy to your lives. This joy can come from producing something like a novel or finishing a marathon or it can be from engaging with other people outside of your relationship.
Identify your own goals and encourage your partner to develop some of their own. It’s easy to forget personal growth is a necessary part of being in a relationship because everyone needs their own outlet and something unique to them.
The more you energy you put into yourself and your individual fulfillment, the more you can bring your whole self to a relationship instead of waiting that relationship to be your sole source of meaning.
Intimacy is crucial to any relationship and what’s more important is figuring out what that looks like for you and your partner. It’s different for every relationship because of how many different types of intimacy you can have with your partner.
You can have physical intimacy with your partner but lack emotional intimacy and miss out on that part of your relationship. Or you can focus so much on emotional and intellectual intimacy that you forget to work on your physical intimacy.
As always, communicate with your partner about boundaries, past traumas, and how they think about intimacy now. Depending on your history and your partner’s history, it might take time to reach the level of all-around intimacy that you and your partner both want.
However, it’s worth it to explore multiple facets of your relationship and make sure that your balance of intimacy works for the both of you, even if that balance changes overtime.
8. Emotional support
Be there for your partner and expect them to be there for you. They should be there to support you when you’re feeling your worst and when you’re feeling your best.
They should help you process your pain in the moment while also celebrating your achievements even when you forget to celebrate them. The same goes for the way you support them.
Without emotional support, a relationship loses its value. You can be in the most rewarding relationship with someone, but the moment they fail to support you on your worst or best day, you’ll remember that pain for a long time.
You can also provide emotional support by checking in with your partner. Get into the habit of asking them how they are and how their day is going. Ask them how they’re feeling and get specific to keep them from giving you the socially acceptable answer of “fine” or “alright.”
Open up a conversation about emotional support in your relationship to make sure they’re supporting you as much as you’re supporting them.
9. Shared interests
Find ways to spend time together that involve doing something. You’d be surprised how meaningful it can be to go on a run with your partner, go try a new restaurant together, or go to the beach.
Whatever you choose to do with them, find something you two can enjoy together and enjoy being friends as well as partners. At this point, try new things. Talk with your partner and ask what interests them.
While you should always find ways to venture outside of your comfort zone, this is not the time for you to give up on your own interests or engage in an activity you don’t like for the sake of your partner. They’ll likely notice it and will feel guilty.
Not to mention you two will have much more fun if you do something you both enjoy as people and as a couple. So, have fun experimenting but stay true to you for your and your partner’s sakes.
If you’ve made it this far, you’re likely already committed to strengthening your relationship and finding that middle ground for a compromise.
However, it still needs to be said: the foundation of any compromise is you willing to make the relationship work even if you lose out on your interests a little. Compromise is about balance and putting the collective interest of you and your partner above your own.
Just like you’re thinking of compromise in your life and how you can give to your partner in some areas, you should also be willing to take in others. And your partner should be willing to balance the give and take of compromise too.
Neither you nor your partner should always be compromising. If that’s the case, you should check in on your relationship and how it matches your relationship goals checklist. The issue likely comes from one of you devaluing yourself or the other person.
If your partner is constantly yielding to you, make sure you’re reinforcing their value as a participant in this relationship and that you two are equal. If you’re constantly yielding, check in with yourself and how your partner makes you feel.
With all the work you and your partner are putting into your relationship and working towards that relationship goals checklist, remember to thank them. Notice them. Ask them to notice you.
This can look like “Hey, I want to make sure I’m supporting your needs and becoming the partner who makes you feel loved. Let me know when I’m doing that so I learn what makes you feel loved.”
When you ask your partner to notice you and appreciate you, it helps you to learn what they need and what that looks like for them. It might be difficult to communicate that, but it’s easy to notice when your partner makes you feel good and acknowledge that.
This also makes it a lot easier to keep doing the things that your partner is asking for because it’s a reward system. Plus, it leaves everyone feeling loved and seen because you’re doing what your partner likes and your partner is appreciating you for it.
12. Financial compatibility
Most of the time, people will talk about anything before they’ll talk about money. Sometimes, people get married without thinking about money as a couple. This stems from the lack of financial education in school, so a lot of people probably aren’t aware of how hands-on they should be with their finances.
But, that needs to change. This starts with the individual, but it also is crucial for the couple. If one of you likes to spend and the other likes to save, you need to talk through a compromise.
There are very few deal breakers in a relationship because you can often talk through differences with your partner when your partner is as invested in creating a fair, healthy relationship as you.
Finances are no different because financial insecurities stem from the same place as all other insecurities: past trauma. So, like anything else, you and your partner can work through them and figure out a plan for the future that works for both of you.